Finding My Way, Again
by sky's rocket
Summary: Team 7 missed a vital member for six years, but Naruto never thought he'd say that missing member was Sakura. Six years, and now she's back. Bringing with her the news of a war that supposedly never ended. How can he trust her again? But how can he ignore what she said? And why the hell did she leave in the first place? Rated M for possible V/L/S, pairings undetermined.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Finding My Way, Again

**Summary**: Team 7 missed a vital member for six years, but Naruto never thought he'd say that missing member was Sakura. Six years, and now she's back. Bringing with her the news of a war that supposedly never ended. How can he trust her again? But how can he ignore what she said? And why the hell did she leave in the first place? Rated M for _possible_ violence, language, and sex in later chapters.

**A/N**: I'm not super up to date with Naruto, so I'll go ahead and consider this AU. I do not own Naruto, obviously. This is also a Sakura-centric fic, there will be no character bashing in this. However, there may be some surprising villans. Any possible pairings are undetermined at this time.

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>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

"Sakura Haruno, you have been absent for six years. In this time, you have become known by every shinobi village as an extremely skilled killer and bounty hunter. You left without a note, without permission of your hokage. You evaded every chance to come home when tracking teams were sent to bring you back, even going so far as to injure several of your past comrades."

"You have failed to make contact in the years that you have been missing. You were trained under the Godaime Hokage herself and used this knowledge to kill several ninjas from other villages and, by all means, they want your head and I'm not sure why I shouldn't give you to them." The current hokage breathed in deeply through his nose, attempting to calm himself. He wouldn't willingly give Sakura up to Iwa of course, but it helped solidify the case he had against her.

"Now, tell me, why in the hell should I let you come back after all of these years?"

Naruto watched her carefully, as he knew his ANBU were watching him. He had been hokage for five years now but that didn't mean the council trusted him. His ANBU were loyal, handpicked by him, but they were still ordered by the council to ensure he was fair in all decisions as leader of Konoha.

He took in the sight of her. She was so...striking? Was that even the word he was looking for? Maybe not, he had never had a way with words. Her pink tresses had grown to her waist, longer than he could ever remember them being. Her skin had tanned, which took a while because he knew for a fact she burned pretty easy.

The clothing she wore was black, which was probably strategic in nature rather than for aesthetics. She wore a pair of simple black leggings, black sandals, white wrappings over her ankles and hands. Her chest was briefly covered by a black cotton tee, with mesh covering her stomach. He could see a bit of ink there, but he couldn't make out what exactly it was from this point of view.

But her eyes, they were what was really striking. He remembered the determination, the fire that lit behind her eyes when she was angered. Now they were empty, cold, almost lifeless but he felt like he knew her better than that, she was probably hiding her emotions. But then, he hadn't really _known _her in years now had he?

Sakura put her hands on her hips, scratching the back of her neck. "Look, I'm just going to be frank with you. I'm not sure if I want to be reinstated as a Ninja of the Leaf, but I came back because you need me."

Naruto quirked a blonde eyebrow, "Ha, really? And why would you think that?" He was intrigued, he'd give her that. But he was hurt somewhere deep down in a place where he didn't let his mind go very often. '_So she hasn't really come back._'

"Because I have valuable information and you'll need all the help you can get. That war? It's not over. They wanted you to believe it was but, it was a front. There's been whispering and unease in the minor villages on the outskirts of the countries. I've been hearing them for months...but I can't say they're one hundred percent valid." Oh yes, she knew that he needed her not only for the information but as for her skills. Part of her probably wanted to come back a little bit..._just a little_. But she left for a reason. Not that she didn't sneak into Leaf every once in a while, check in on things, make sure everyone was still alive and kickin'.

"Then why the hell are you even telling me Sakura? You can't even prove these so called rumors are true! Everyone spreads rumors of the war coming back once it's over. People are just scared." He exclaimed, exasperated. His eyes narrowed, he just couldn't believe this. No, he _wouldn't _believe this! Madara? Pein? Akatsuki? They were all gone. He'd killed Madara with his bare hands. Well...Sasuke helped too, but whatever. The point was, there was no one left on the opposing side after the war. And this? This was just a big fucking waste of his time. All she wanted to do was come here and fuck his shit up again.

'_Just like Naruto_', Sakura scowled. Ever the optimist, believing shit can't go wrong. "You don't think I'd be here if I didn't believe there was some truth in those whispers do you? Honestly? And yeah, I can't prove that they are one hundred percent true. But..."

Honestly, he wished she WOULD have come back for a different reason. Maybe a 'Oh Naruto, I came back because I miss Team 7!' Or a - 'Naruto, I love you!', Maybe even a 'I just miss home!' But no, it wasn't any of those. She even pretty much admitted that she didnt want to be here!

"Then where is the proof Sakura? Huh? Because I don't see it!" He interrupted.

"The proof is in the whispers! It's been going on for months. Every lead I've traced down has come to a dead-end - now why would that be? People are still dying out there!" She slammed her hand down on the desk. She could practically feel the ANBU in the room tense, getting ready to protect their Hokage at a moment's notice. "These people are dying in _excruciating _and _vile _ways yet every lead I've found, every possible thing I've managed to track, has come up empty? Something is going on here and they've managed to get away from me every single time!" She breathed in and out a few times, in through the mouth, out through the nose. She needed to calm down a bit.

"Look, maybe I was a bit wrong in saying that there was 'proof'. But the proof is in the fact that there isn't any. I've been chasing these leads for months and I've realized that I can't do this alone. I came back because..." She closed her eyes, "because I need Shikamaru's help." She wasn't going to say it was Naruto's help she needed, but in truth, she did need him..if only just a little bit.

Of course, some other guy. His heart had been beating so fast, like maybe, just maybe she'd say something akin to what he wanted to hear. But he couldn't let her get to him. SHE was the one that left. SHE was the one that decided not to come back for all these damn years. SHE was the one that abandoned him this time. And he would not let her see his pain. So he would suck it up, like the Rokudaime Hokage that he was, like the man that he had thought himself to be.

Naruto motioned lazily for her to continue, trying to seem almost as disinterested as he could. She was already making him exhausted. The ANBU behind him were still very wary of the pinkette in the room. She finally leaned off the desk and paced to the back of the office, the opposite of Naruto. Sakura placed her fingers on her chin thoughtfully, before turning to face him.

"I know I'm smart, but I can't figure it out. But I think - I think if Shikamaru could take a look at the pieces, at the notes I've taken. He might be able to help me figure this out. If this is true, if there is really someone out there that is trying to continue the war that we thought ended years ago, someone out there trying to disrupt the peace that the Shinobi Nations seem to have finally gained, then we need to end this as soon as possible."

"And you think that this should be enough reason for me to let you back into the village? Hell, Sakura, you could be tricking me for all I know! I don't even fucking know you anymore!"

Well that was a little sudden. He looked angry now. He had cussed before in the office at her, yeah, but he still had a calm look on his face. Her face softened a bit, "Naruto, I would neve-"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't feed me that shit. You said you'd never leave too, look where that ended up." He gave a bitter laugh, "Never say never right?"

"Look, I didn't come for you t-"

"I don't care why the hell you came back Sakura. You left. That's it. You left without saying goodbye and now you waltz up in here with some half-assed idea that the war may be coming back, trying to pull strings with your 'good ole buddy' Naruto to get you in to see Shikamaru. What do you have a thing for the Nara clan now?"

Wow, low blow. She could understand his anger, just a little bit. Hell, it's what she figured he'd burst out with as soon as she walked in the door. She didn't expect him to calmly talk to her in the beginning now he was being a real chatty cathy (bitchy cathy maybe?). But hey, guess it shows that people can change. Did he really need to imply that she was a slut though? Seriously?

"It's not a half assed idea and I don't want to bang Shikamaru! Look, if you just give me a few hours with him, just let me open up a discussion with him. If he sees there could be any possible validity to the statement, then let me stay and discuss it with him. If he doesn't see it, then I'll _gladly _leave."

Naruto paused. There was honestly no reason he shouldn't, or couldn't, let her speak to Shikamaru for a few hours. Well, aside from the fact that he was royally pissed off at her and pretty much just wanted to kick her the hell out of his office. But that wouldn't be too diplomatic, now would it. When she added the word gladly at the end, it only served to piss him off even more. He didn't even know what he did for her to leave the damn village in the first place!

He didn't want to be cruel to her, but he didn't want to let her walk in her, demand something, give it to her, and Sakura think of him as a push over. He had a village to think about and he couldn't pretend like he could predict her every move.

He knew just what he was going to do.  
>And she wasn't going to like it.<br>Which would make it that much sweeter.

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>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: Meh, I know it's a little short. But it's the first chapter, I'll try to get longer chapters in here for you guys. Let me know what you think! (I swear, I haven't wrote anything in forever!) Just forewarning, this has been in my head for a while and I just wanted to get it down. I don't have any big 'plans' for this story but hell, if it gets anywhere passed a sixth chapter, then we might have ourselves a story I might finish. I kinda just took this idea and ran with it, so I hope you guys will like it enough to run with it, with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: Finding My Way, Again

**Summary**: Team 7 missed a vital member for six years, but Naruto never thought he'd say that missing member was Sakura. Six years, and now she's back. Bringing with her the news of a war that supposedly never ended. How can he trust her again? But how can he ignore what she said? And why the hell did she leave in the first place? Rated M for _possible_ violence, language, and sex in later chapters.

. . . . . . . . . . .  
>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

"Ahh, so I see. You've traveled to many places then, correct Sakura-san?"

"Hai."

"We discussed earlier that you left the village six years ago and the reason you were back now. Can you shed some light on why you left?"

In front of Sakura sat an average looking doctor, she had short black hair with choppy layers. Her eyes were a deep brown, her nose was slightly pointed and a bit wide. Her lips were a little on the thin side, and she had low cheek bones with slightly chubby cheeks. Her skin looked like it was made of porcelain, like the woman never went out into the sun...ever. Her eye brows were slightly arched, and perfectly tweezed. She was curvy, but held practically no muscle and rings adored each finger she had except the finger her wedding band would have been placed (if she was married, but Sakura assumed she wasn't).

Why was she in front of a doctor who was asking her fifty questions? Well, 'Hokage-sama' decided that it would be best if she underwent several tests before being allowed to speak to Shikamaru, which Sakura thought was downright stupid but who was she to question his orders? One of those tests was a psyche evaluation which was being completed by the doctor in front of her. Sakura resisted the urge to roll her emerald eyes.

"I think we both know why I left, Doctor."

Doctor Hiroki looked up from her notes, and her pen froze a moment. Yes, Doctor Hiroki did know why Sakura left. How Sakura knew that she knew, is what almost had her visibly baffled. "Sakura-san, I do know why you left. However, it is not my job to _speculate._ It is my job to find a clear and concise answer, so for the purpose of this evaluation, it would be in your best interest to tell me yourself." Doctor Hiroki smiled, but it was fake, Sakura knew it.

Sakura also knew that Naruto had specifically requested for Doctor Hiroki to ask a few questions of his own. "Doctor Hiroki, excuse my bluntness, but we both know Naruto asked for you to specifically ask this question. If you would be so inclined to offer a bit of client confidentiality, I would love for you to tell him to shove his head where the sun don't shine and to stop being such a damn coward and ask me himself."

Doctor Hiroki's jaw dropped but she quickly tried to compose herself. How could this woman be so frank about the Hokage! "I-I will refuse to tell the Hokage that in those exact words, but I will inform him that you would prefer to answer that question directly to him."

Sakura curtly nodded with a small smile gracing her lips, "So, are we done here? I'm starving."

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Sakura walked through the streets of Konoha, a henge hiding her features. She didn't want anyone to know she was back yet, though she surely expected Naruto to tell plenty of people that she was. She just wasn't ready to face everyone's questions. What Naruto had said the other day, about harming some of the people who had come after her, it was true. But she had to do it. Naruto had never stopped sending people after her, which, in his own way, made it seem like he never stopped caring. But maybe he was just more curious why she left.

Konoha didn't look that much different to her than it always had. Sakura breathed in deeply through her nose, the smell of home could always comfort her. It was true, what people said. There really is no place quite like home. Which is probably why she had yearned to come back for years.

But she couldn't until now.

She hadn't been ready to come back. Her heart had told her she was ready, that she never should have left. But her mind told her, even if she caught a lot of shit for leaving, it was the right thing to do. Which is surely why it had been so difficult to stay away, she found that she always ended up in Konoha at least three times a year to check in on everyone. When her friends would struggle, it practically killed her.

She did whatever she could to help them, without actually being there of course.

One time, Sakura had a particularly difficult time so she came back for two days, slept in the high trees outside the walls of Konoha where she was safe from ANBU.

She saw Ino crying one night because her boyfriend had dumped her. Sakura didn't know who the guy was but that didn't stop her from wanting to go and comfort Ino as best as she could. But seeing Ino, it had brought back memories. Memories of nights where Ino would have a bad date, or Sakura felt especially down about Sasuke, and they would throw a big sleepover. They would paint their nails, go shopping that day, watch some movies, eat some popcorn.

Ino's biggest addiction was shoes. Whenever she was upset, she would drag Sakura to at least six different shoe stores. She couldn't wear them out most of the time because obviously, six inch heels aren't a girl's best friend when she's jumping through a forest. But it helped Ino cope and Sakura went along to keep her friend happy.

The next morning, Ino woke up with an anonymous package on her doorstep with a pair of designer heels. Her smile had been so bright and happy, even though she didn't know who it was that gave them to her. Seeing her friend smiling had made Sakura's day, and the trouble (and money) she had went through to get those shoes without being recognized, worth it. She always made sure to drop off gifts for her friends on their birthdays, even Naruto's stubborn ass, though she didn't always stay around to see their reactions to the gifts.

Sakura stopped outside of a small tea and cakes cafe that hadn't been here before she left. So she opted to go in. She wasn't _really _hungry, despite what she told the nosy psyche doctor, so a big meal wouldn't do much for her right now. The decor inside was very earthy, with bright yet calming paintings spread through out. She quickly went to the counter to place an order.

As she patiently waited for her order to be prepared, two younger shinobi girls that Sakura didn't know came through the door chatting heavily. Sakura didn't pay any mind to them as she grabbed her cakes and tea, sitting at a table toward the back corner of the cafe.

She poked and nibbled at her cakes, deep in thought, staring out of the window, watching the people pass. She briefly wondered how her life would have been had she stayed. She quickly shook those ideas from her head. '_Now is not the time to be thinking like that Sakura, you've got to stay focused.'_

So instead, she thought about the possible impending war. The previous war had taken the shinobi alliance by storm. She had fought in it of course, at the forefront. She remembered enough of it to know that Sasuke came home, tried to settle back into the village life. Hinata-chan had sadly passed away during the battle, though not before giving her life for Neji and calling him the brother she never had. Sakura had tried her hardest to save Hinata, but she ended up being another casualty the wave of war brought to their doorstep. Neji seemed to hold it against Sakura, that she couldn't save her.

She supposed that could have contributed to the reason she left a bit. As a doctor you face the very reality that no, you can't save everyone who comes to you. In war, the chances of saving them become slim, but Sakura's fatality rate was the lowest of any of the medics. She probably shouldn't have let it get to her, people just wanted someone to blame for the deaths of their children/brothers/sisters/husbands/wives. The medics were the first ones and being a head medic and the overseer of most of the worst victims? She took the brunt of it.

Her depessing thoughts were interrupted when the two shinobi girls' conversation drifted her way.

Gasp,"So did you hear about Haruno-san?"

"No... What happened?"

"People are saying she came back last night. Someone caught a pink haired ninja walking into the Hokage's office! Isn't that great?"

"Pfft, Kuriko. You know better than to listen to those old ladies and their gossips."

"It's not just the old ladies, Omina! Everyone is talking about her!"

"Yeah, well, I don't see why. She's nothing special."

"Shut up, you're just jealous that she's a better kunoichi than you could ever be! Besides you know how many lives she saved during the war? Your father would have been dead if it weren't for her!"

"Please, she should have just let him die. Woulda been better off without the son of a-"

"Language!"

"Fine, fine. But my point is, so what she saved a few lives? She left everyone behind. People who betray their village are scum. No, actually, they're WORSE than scum. I could care les-"

Sakura had heard enough. She knew there would be a lot of people to react like that more spiteful kunoichi, so she'd rather ignore the negativity. Quickly throwing her trash away, Sakura exited the cafe.

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She found herself sitting across from Konoha's dear 'Hokage-sama' once more the next afternoon. She'd been back in Konoha about two weeks now and no one, aside from the trusted advisors and ANBU that Naruto specifically allowed, had seen her. The rumors that she was back had severely quieted down because of that. Which she couldn't say upset her. She continued using different henges of 'average' looking women as she walked around town. Sakura always tried to refrain from conversing/interacting with people she knew before she left. It was just easier that way.

Part of her accepted that her friends, her old friends, wouldn't accept her back easily...or readily for that matter. It hurt, partly, but some where deep down it was something she had expected. Sending them a few anonymous gifts once a year wasn't going to change the fact that a) they didn't know it was her who sent them, b) she still left, and c) she still refused to contact them. She sneered at herself, she was a fucking coward. Six years of killing people, surviving in the wild, haunted by the horrors of war, and yet she was still cowardly enough to not want to face the people she grew up with.

The people she had, to them, so easily kicked to the curb.

"You've completed the tests I assigned for you."

"How'd I do, _Hokage-sama?" _She asked, practically scowling out his title. She was proud of him, for how far he had come, she really was. She didn't know why she said it the way she did, but part of her was angry at him. Angry that he was angry at her. Was it fair for her to be angry? Probably not. But fuck life, when was anything really fair?

He glared at her, begrudgingly admitting, "You passed with flying colors."

Hmm, thought so. The first test was a lie detector test, Karin and another ninja administered the test. Somehow the fiery red head had become a part of the Interrogation unit, probably because of her ability to easily tell the fluctuation in chakra - aka, if someone was lying. They mainly were trying to see if she told the truth about the reason she came back.

The second test was the psyche evaluation, which mainly just tried to make sure she hadn't left, became insane, and come back with some sort of evil vendetta.

The third had originally planned for Inoichi and Ibiki to walk around in her mind and check out her memories, but her mind was so severely blocked that they'd had a hard time even getting in let alone checking out her hard-core and heavily guarded secrets. But they'd seen enough to know she truly meant no harm.

"Doctor Hiroki informed me of your refusal to answer certain questions however." He leaned forward in his desk, clasping his hands together and holding her gaze.

She took a few moments to really drink him in. His hair was much longer now, resembling the fourth's hairstyle. He wore his orange and black fiery robes, only these robes included the hokage symbol on the back. He had forgone the traditional head piece. His clothing was dark, black and greens with the traditional ninja sandals. His face was chiseled, a bit of stubble could be seen around his chin. She could see the bags under his eyes that seemed almost _too _carefully hidden. Was he wearing makeup? The thought _almost _made her smile. But His blue eyes spoke of wisdom, anger, and she swore she saw betrayal somewhere in there. Maybe even defeat. Defeated by what she didn't know.

He was handsome, like she had expected and she wouldn't deny that if asked.

He realized she wasn't going to say anything in response so he continued, "She also told me that you had some pretty colorful language, something about I should shove it where the sun doesn't shine? If I wanted to ask you a question, I could ask you in person? Well here I am Sakura, and I'm asking you."

"Asking me what exactly, Naruto?"

He sighed. She sighed. She knew what he wanted, but he should already know the answer. She'd given him six years to think about her reasons. Six years to come track her down himself instead of sending some damn henchmen. But the more people he sent after her, the more she wanted to run.

"Why did you leave?"

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>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: Wow, two chapters! One day! Let me give myself a pat on the back. I can't believe I've already gotten a review and two follows! Thank you dears! :*


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: Finding My Way, Again

**Summary**: Team 7 missed a vital member for six years, but Naruto never thought he'd say that missing member was Sakura. Six years, and now she's back. Bringing with her the news of a war that supposedly never ended. How can he trust her again? But how can he ignore what she said? And why the hell did she leave in the first place? Rated M for _possible_ violence, language, and sex in later chapters.

**A/N: This chapter is a COMPLETE Flashback! **The next chapter will pick up where the last chapter left off. It might seem a little confusing now but it'll make sense when the next chapter gets posted.

**. . . . . . . . . . .**  
><strong>x<strong>  
><strong>. . . . . . . . . . .<strong>

"So you never told me, Itomi, where are you from? You're definitely not from around here with that accent." Kishiro pried. They were nestled somewhere deep in Snow Country, on the outskirts of a small village in a cave. They had been working together on this for a while now, searching for a particularly large bounty.

She turned her back to him, moving to grab her shirt off the ground from their makeshift pallet of blankets. She peeked at the large cat, who came to Sakura's hip, sitting on the other side of the room, it's all white fur providing a striking contrast between the dark gray of the cave walls. Kishiro's large hands touched her back, smoothing over her shoulders as he came up behind her. "I'm not in the mood for pillow talk Kishiro."

She could practically hear him pouting behind her as he reached up to grab a breast. Sakura smacked his hands away. "Hey!" she warned before getting off the pallet. She obviously startled the cat with her loud warning.

He threw his hands up in defense, "Damn chick, you know I can't keep my hands off that decadent bod of yours." He said with a sly smirk. When he smirked like that, he reminded her too much of the boys she had left behind. She sighed before turning around. He knew that home was a sore subject for her. The cat put her head down, realizing what was going on.

When Sakura was out searching for bounties, and she had to work with a partner, she was no longer 'Sakura of the Hidden Leaf', she was Itomi, just Itomi. Itmoi was just another average looking henge. That was Sakura's thing. She took henges to look average. She'd stick out like a sore thumb with her pink hair.

Kishiro had short, spiky blue hair. His eyes were a deep amber color and his ears were slightly pointed. She wondered what kind of clan he came from, but she didn't like when he pried so she wouldn't do it to him either. But she was getting tired of him asking her the same question, wondering why she was a 'missing nin'. Everyone had their own stories. And he wanted to know hers.

"So tell me, seriously, what's your story?" He eyed her.

She sighed, tying up her light blue kimono-styled shirt with a black obi before turning around and leaning against the cave wall. "Let's just say I've always been a missing nin alright?"

He laughed, "Naah, see, I know that's a lie. A woman like you with no home, no friends? Pfft, Likely story!"

She glared at him as she pulled her knees to her chest, resting an elbow on one. "You sure 'bout that?"

He grinned, "Hell yeah, now tell me! Ya killin' me with this dang suspense girl. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?"

"Go ahead then, but you're going first!" She pointed at him and practically yelled.

"Hah, fine fine!"

He gripped his chin, rubbing the stubble that he really needed to shave. Blue stubble didn't look good on anyone!

"Well, I came from a really small town outside of waterfall that-"

"That explains the blue hair!"

He practically growled at her before she consented to just listening to his story.

"ANY way, before I was so rudely interrupted - "He stared pointedly at her, "my clan wasn't very large but we lived in Waterfall before the war. The war literally came knocking down our door in the middle of the night. My sisters died that night, I had four. My pops and me, along with more of my clansmen made it out alive but it didn't stop the guilt from practically eating my dad alive. He declared that we would fight for them, we'd avenge their deaths."

"We fought long and hard for about a year before people started giving up and going to just settle down and try to wait out the war in different countries across the nations. Me and Pops fought till the end though. He's happily living out his days at a lake house we built together in our hometown with a lady that I don't know, nor care, to learn her name. I left shortly after he brought her into the picture. There's nothing left for me at home so I decided that I'd grab my kitty "said kitty glared," and find a place for us in this slowly reviving world." He huffed like he'd said all of that in one breath.

He waited patiently for her to tell her story, but when he saw that she wouldn't give in that easy, he threw a shoe at her. "Hey! What was that for!"

"Yo, you promised to tell your side of the story if I told mine!"

"Pfft, you actually fell for that?"

"Don't play with me! A deal is a deal ninja chick! Now, cough it up!"

She laughed out loud bitterly but decided to just give in. All she had to do was change the specifics and it wouldn't hurt anything right? Yeah...right. She looked at the cat who's bright purple eyes bored into her own striking green. The cat perked up, standing before shaking off her sleepiness. Sakura held out a hand as the cat moved to lay down next to the pinkette, who gave her such nice belly scratches. Sakura peered at the cat, scratching behind her ears softly, deep in thought.

She looked at Kishiro before deciding to just go ahead and tell him the story.

"During the war, I was a medic nin for the shinobi alliance. That...that's hard. It was harder to be in the medic tent, seeing people die when I couldn't save them versus being on the front line. People blamed me for what I couldn't change."

"So you left because of some angry bitches?"

"No, no. Shut up and let me finish Kishiro." He threw up his hands in a surrender position.

"When we were back at camp, I was pretty depressing. My best friend, he was always the optimist. He'd claimed he loved me since as long as I could remember," She let out a bitter chuckle, "always asking me out on dates. I'd knock him into a wall before I'd agree to something like that."

She let out a sad smile, "I'd lost another one of my best friends that day."

"The guy that loved you or someone else?"

"No, the best friend I lost was someone else. Though I suppose you could say I lost the guy that loved me that day too...in a way." She shook her head, she was derailing from her train of thought.

"The person I'm talking about was a girl, anyway. She was a weapons master, long range fighter. She'd been stuck against a group of men who boxed her in. She couldn't fight them all off in hand to hand combat like that, and I was supposed to be there for her but I was cut off because of another group of people. She died before I could save her. I didn't even get to cry for her, I didn't get to hold her hand as she took her last breath. It sent me into a rage that I'd never known, that these people were so...barbaric that they wouldn't even let me honor the death of a fallen comrade." The fire danced behind her eyes, he could see the rage that she'd kept hidden inside.

Kishiro remained quiet. He knew what that was like, he'd fought in the war too, despite his better judgement and he'd lost the majority of his clan that way.

"The guy that loved me, well, we were both virgins at that time ... to put it bluntly. We were both drinking our sorrows away and sought solace in each other, I guess. We had sex that night, too many times to even count. About two and a half months later, things were still kind of awkward between us but we didn't have the time to stop and patch up a relationship when our entire world was practically falling apart at the very seams. He wanted a girl he could call his, I just wanted a home, a home I could go to, to mourn the friends I'd lost and the deaths that I'd seen. He wanted more than I could give him, and I think somewhere in his heart he knew that he was asking too much, way too soon."

Sakura took a deep, deep breath. She thought she'd over come this enough to be able to talk about it without crying. Kishiro probably sensed that though, being the guy he was. He didn't move to comfort her because that would have made her feel worse. Kishiro knew that 'Itomi' was too independent to accept the comfort of another person when she was upset, which he had to respect about her.

"I was sent out with a border patrol, it was me and two other people. We were jumped by a group of masked ninjas, I was stabbed through with a katana. I managed to heal myself enough so I wouldn't bleed to death, but I still had to be carried back to camp. My best friend wasn't allowed in the medical tent, he would have just gotten in the way. He's loud and quick to act without thinking, he would have declared revenge and went out searching for them and just...acted stupid and careless. Probably would have ended up dead trying to avenge my 'honor' if he saw me with a hole that went in through my gut one way and came out the other."

She pressed her nose into the cat's fur, as the cat purred. Raika was a very rare ninja cat that belonged to Kishiro and his clan. She belonged to the summon world. From the way Sakura understood it Kishiro's clan and the cat summons had a very unique relationship. Cats are considered wise creatures, and the cat alpha, once the clan head's last child was born, would choose the heir. The heir would be blessed with a new born kit, to stand by his side while he ran the clan. Raika was that kit.

Sakura buried her face into Raika's fur, trying to hide from the feelings she'd so desperately tried to keep locked away.

"One of the nurses... well, I didn't really know her... but she told me that I'd lost my baby. A baby I didn't even know I was going to have. I'd become a mother, and lost my child all in the same sentence." Her words were muffled but Kishiro had heard them all the same.

Kishiro's eyes visibly widened, though Sakura had closed hers as soon as she said the words. She didn't want to see his reaction. She tried to displace her mind from the story, maybe it would be easier to tell then. Kishiro never expected that to come out of her mouth. Losing a child isn't something that any woman, or man, can take standing up.

Sakura turned her head so she was facing Kishiro now. "She asked me who the father was so she could tell him, but obviously, I refused to give the name of the father. He didn't need to know. Our relationship wouldn't have been able to take the strain, so I kept the burden to myself. It was hard, really hard."

A lone tear slipped down her face, she silently cursed it for betraying her. She wasn't supposed to cry. It'd been years since it had happened. She angrily wiped it away and her features were set in a deep frown. "It would have been a girl, a beautiful little girl. She probably would have had my eyes, his hair, my anger issues, and his spunky personality. I honestly didn't think I'd react the way I did. I cried hysterically, so much so that they almost discharged me from active duty and sent me home. I wouldn't talk to _him _about it though, I couldn't. He asked and asked, practically begging me to let him in, just to tell him what was wrong. He just _knew _that he could fix the problem if I'd just tell him. But I couldn't, and he wouldn't be able to fix it. He was so...naive, boyish. He wasn't ready for a baby and he sure as hell wasn't ready to be told that his chance at a family had been murdered the day I went out on border patrol. He just..he didn't need to be told by anyone except me and I wasn't ready to tell him either, or anyone for that matter."

"Every time I looked at him, I cried. He didn't know why and I couldn't tell him, which broke my heart and gradually his too. We'd grown up together, experienced the world together, experienced our first kill together, hell we had even experienced sex for the first time together. Our relationship ended up being practically non-existent once the war ended. For about a year I tried to forget, I tried to work myself to death before they pulled me from the hospital work duty rosters."

"But he had still cared during that year, he had come to see me practically every chance he got trying to cheer me up. He just went ahead and assumed it was the war and the death I'd seen, the lives I lost on the medical table, that made me the way I was, that made me cry practically every day and took away my ability to smile, laugh, or even joke. And looking back on it, he was probably partially right. I think it was the deaths of those I had loved, the whole baby thing, and being blamed because I couldn't save everyone that did me in. I was in a pretty bad place, and I was torturing myself for those things just as much as everyone else had."

She exhaled a breath she hadn't know she was holding. As she talked, she felt the weight on her shoulders getting easier to carry. "Then one day, he just stopped coming over. A week went by, two months went by, then five months. I couldn't take it anymore. I checked the mission roster, and he wasn't out on a long term assignment, if he was then he normally came and said goodbye before he left. No, he was still in the village. He just - He just stopped caring along the way. Losing our baby, a baby I hadn't even known about? That was one thing. Losing him, someone I'd loved and cared for since I was a genin? That nearly tore me apart. All that with the loss of my friends, teachers that had taught me when I was in the academy, the destruction of half of my village, I couldn't take it anymore."

There she had said it, she said it all. That was her story.

The cave was silent for a few moments.

"So you left? Just like that?"

"Yeah."

"No note? No goodbyes?"

She shook her head, she hadn't wanted to make it harder on herself. "People like to ask too many questions when they can't even begin to understand the pain that you're going through. No one just 'listens' anymore."

"Do you regret it?" She turned to him with a look of slight confusion. He cleared his throat, "I mean, do you regret leaving, that is?"

She thought about it. She thought about all the times she had tried to find him once he stopped coming over. And all the times she'd realized that he was purposely avoiding her. She thought about how caring he _used _to be, how easily he used to not give up. How hard he fought to bring Sasuke home. Did she regret leaving?

"No, no I don't. I had to find myself again. I - I guess I lost myself somewhere between that last border patrol and home those years. Maybe he'd realized it and just gave up trying to fix something when he couldn't even figure out why it was broken in the first place. The moment he walked out of my life, I walked out on everyone else."

It had been spur of the moment, in the heat of her anger and her feelings of betrayal, that she had packed lightly and left without a thought of turning back.

"Do you think you'll ever go back?"

"Maybe..." she sighed, "He sends people after me to bring me back all the time. Maybe that's just because I know so much about the damn village and the secrets behind the kage position that they can't let me go - because of the special ops rank that I was. Though I doubt it's because he's finally realized his mistake and wants me back in the village after all these years."

That's right, she'd been in ANBU before the war and partially during the war. It was a joint operation between the ANBU and the medical corps founded by Shizune that the position and rank was even funded. The teams needed more accomplished, battle ready, medics. Medics that could stand their own against the vile people the ANBU went after, but only on a need-to basis. That was how Sakura ended up on an ANBU team, as a special ANBU Medical position in Team 3.

"But - " Should he even ask this question? He knew she was already letting him in more than she ever had, did he want to push it? It was now or never, he shrugged. "But don't you think that maybe after all these years, he had a right to know about a child he almost brought into this world?"

Sakura scoffed, feeling bitter and angry. "Hell no! He abandoned me after a year of being home. I never gave up on him, ever, and yet he leaves me? No. Him leaving and purposely trying to avoid me only made me realize how much more growing up he still needed to do. He didn't need to know about her and he still doesn't need to know about her. One day when he gets enough balls to come after me himself, I might decide to tell him, _maybe. _But until then? He has no rights to the knowledge of her and what he could have had." She got up roughly, surprising Raika, before grabbing her sword and walking out of the cave.

"I'm going to get some food. Don't wait up."

Maybe he shouldn't have asked?

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><strong>x<strong>  
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**A/N:** Again, remember, just a flashback. This takes place sometime when Sakura was away from Konoha. The timeline goes a bit like this: she went to war, came home. She was home for two years - in that year Naruto tried to comfort her before purposely trying to evade every chance she made to contact him. He comforts her for one year, then ignores her for one year. Then she leaves. At the point of this flashback she's been gone for three years.

Ages: The war ended when Sakura was 17, she left at 19, came back a few months before her 25th birthday so she was gone just a little less than 6 years but everyone pretty much approximates that she's been gone for 6 years.

Sakura is _currently 25 years old. _

And I must say, that I am damn proud of myself. This is the third chapter, I've literately JUST wrote this after uploading chapter two and it's actually not bad. I'm pretty proud of it. I know Sakura seems a bit angsty now, but she'll come out of it. She's bitter and you can't blame her, but it's all a part of the healing phase. She found her way when she left home, now that she's back home she has to find her way again. A way with the friends that she left behind. I plan on having some more flashbacks in the chapters to show some more of her six years outside of Konoha.

This chapter also ended up being around 3,600 words so I'm, again, super proud of myself popping out a longer chapter so soon! But don't get used to this guys! I just want to write this stuff down while I've got the juices flowing and I'm too excited about this chapter to NOT upload it.

xoxo.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: Finding My Way, Again

**Summary**: Team 7 missed a vital member for six years, but Naruto never thought he'd say that missing member was Sakura. Six years, and now she's back. Bringing with her the news of a war that supposedly never ended. How can he trust her again? But how can he ignore what she said? And why the hell did she leave in the first place? Rated M for _possible_ violence, language, and sex in later chapters.

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>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

"Why did you leave?"

This was it. She'd spent six years waiting for him to finally ask her why, to finally confront her on her departure. She'd spent six years imagining what she'd say to him when he finally did, whether she'd be angry or understanding, whether she'd be able to keep her cool. In some of her day dreams, she imagined getting up and slapping him for leaving her the way he did. In some, she imagined breaking down in tears before she could even get out the first word.

But never, ever, did she think that when he asked her that dreaded question... that she wouldn't be able to do anything.

That's right, she sat there and said nothing.

Naruto stared at her, waiting for a response. For anything, really. She didn't move or fidget, hell he almost wondered if she was even blinking. But he'd finally gotten her, she was here in his office after six years and he was finally asking her the question everyone from the rookie years had wanted to know. Why?

And quite honestly, the fact that she wasn't saying anything just pissed him off. '_You come back after all these years, wanting something from me? And now you won't even fucking tell me why you left?_' he inwardly seethed. He had been previously sitting in his desk, but he stood up, the chair scraping against the floor as he did so. Moving so he was standing right in front of her, he held her gaze.

Blue eyes glared into Emerald.

Her heart was beating erratically. Somewhere inside, she wanted to tell him, part of her was screaming at him to just let him have it. Just let him hear all the shit you'd kept bottled inside for over six years. Scream at him. Cry. Yell. Throw things. _Just let it out!_

But she couldn't. She thought about Kishiro, and how he'd asked her if Naruto deserved to know about _her. _That had been years ago, but did she change her mind? Could Hokage Naruto handle the shit that Jounin Naruto hadn't been able to? Or was he still that same naïve, childish guy who left her when she needed him most?

He wouldn't let her look away, literally. He had taken her chin in-between his two fingers and held it tightly but not harming her. He didn't just want to know anymore, no, it had passed that phase long ago. He needed to know. He needed to know why she didn't fight back anymore, he needed to know why she abandoned him for six years with no contact after all that they had been through. He needed to know why she rejected him when he had tried to comfort her, why he had been pushed away, why she cried when she looked at him.

He needed to know what made her stop loving him enough to leave the only home she had ever known.

"Sakura, I'm going to ask you again. Why. Did. You. Leave?" He said through gritted teeth.

When Sakura finally looked in his eyes, when she finally saw the emotions there, something in her snapped. His eyes looked hurt, angered, betrayed. Before she hadn't been able to place those emotions behind his eyes with a reason as to why he could feel that way. And now she could. She could see it much clearer now. He was hurt and angered and betrayed...by her. HE felt betrayed by HER.

Naruto had lit the match under the candle that had been patiently waiting to let Naruto see the side of her that she had locked away before she left. He saw the fire dance before her eyes before he'd felt the pain, before he felt her chakra spike to dangerous levels he didn't even know she possessed.

The ANBU in the back of the room tensed visibly. With anyone else besides the pinkette, they would have already had Naruto half way across the room from her. But everyone here knew their history, knew their past, and knew that there was too much between them, too much that had been left unsaid for too long.

SMACK.

Before Naruto even saw it coming, Sakura had taken her fist and plowed it right into his face. If he hadn't been so pissed at her, if he hadn't been so concentrated on her face or the narrowing of her eyes, he probably would have seen her fist moving toward him at lightning speeds.

Maybe.

He groaned, rubbing his sore face as Sakura moved to stand above him.

She peered down on him like a vulture, and in that moment he saw her hurt...her feelings of betrayal... her unbridled anger. And all of it had been directed towards him. Her green eyes, the ones that he had used to love so much, were glaring daggers through his skull.

"I left..." She breathed heavily, "I left because of you!" She threw another punch.

He blocked it, he had seen it coming. She was getting too angry now.

But she kept throwing punches, she was kicking, she was slapping. He knew that she didn't mean him harm though because despite how strong she was, she hadn't used any chakra to hit him. He knew that, but it still pissed him off. All these years and he was still her punching bag. He pushed her back a little, only trying to get some leeway.

"Me?!" He practically yelled, " What the hell did I do? What? Being your punching bag and your shoulder to cry on wasn't enough? You had to be selfish and leave the village to make me hurt too?"

She practically screamed, "Ahh! You? Really? You still think this all about you? Fuck you Naruto, and you have the nerve to call ME selfish? Get a fucking grip! You...You...You asshole!"

He gaped, "Asshole? I went by your house almost every fucking day for an entire year to check on you and yet all you did was cry even harder when you looked at me! And I'M the asshole?! Don't fucking blame me because you don't know how to woman-up for war! It's not like you haven't killed before Sakura!"

Oh yes, it was an all out screaming war now. One of the hidden ANBU in the room had put a sound proof barrier around the room a long time ago. This was their moment, it was the peaking point of the mountain that they'd both been climbing back to each other. And they didn't need little ears going around telling rumors.

Naruto started throwing punches at Sakura, while she was blocking and throwing her own. No hits were being landed, it was all just misses, as they slowly started to rip down each others walls.

But then all of a sudden, she stopped. She was panting hard, tears were freely flowing down her face. They weren't sad tears, they were angry. All the years she'd promised herself that when she got into this situation she'd know exactly what she'd do, this had never been one of the things she said she'd do. But she didn't fucking care anymore.

"You promised! You promised you'd always be there for me! What, I'm not your fucking precious Sasuke so I only get a year before you give up on me? Is that what our relationship amounts to?" She threw her hands up, exasperated. "Well I'm fucking sorry I don't have black hair shaped like a chicken's ass!"

Naruto laughed bitterly, "Seriously? This is because your fucking jealous that I tried so hard to get Sasuke back? You think that I fucking gave up on you? Who do you think sent all of those ANBU after you Sakura? Huh? Who was the HOKAGE that made those missions and assigned those teams? Because it sure as hell wasn't anyone else except me! And why the hell did you think I fought so hard for Sasuke? It was because YOU wanted him back, I'd made a promise to you and I intended to fucking keep it. So tell me how in the hell I gave up on you!"

"You left me! You left me when I needed you! I was crying and hurt...and broken Naruto! And you fucking left! A whole fucking year that you avoided me! I tried finding you and you purposely threw me off of your trail!" She was sobbing, she was breaking down. Her carefully built walls were crumbling faster than she could pull them up again. Her voice was cracking and her throat felt raw. "You stopped caring. And when you stopped caring, when you left me, I couldn't stand to be here anymore. Not when every corner I turned, every restaurant I went to, every store I went in, and even my fucking home reminded me of the man who was supposed to be by my side every fucking step of the way!"

And she crumbled. She crumbled to the floor in tears.

"Stopped caring? Sak - I - I never fucking stopped caring! I thought, I thought that was what you wanted. Every time you looked at me you cried harder than you did before you saw me. I was making everything worse. I wasn't helping you, I was hurting you." He moved to kneel before her, he had a few scratches and bruises coming up on his face but before they were done talking he knew that the kyuubi would have them healed.

He was on his knees before her as she was breaking, and he once again felt helpless. He couldn't believe she thought he'd stopped caring. He cared so much that he left, "I thought I was doing you a favor! Sakura, I - I didn't know!"

"Yeah, you didn't know a lot of things! Did you ever ask me if I wanted you to leave, huh? Did you? Because I wouldn't have told you yes! I wanted you there with me. It just hurt to look at you knowing," this was it, "knowing what _could have been."_

His eyes narrowed questioningly, he had a confused look on his face. "What could have been? What are you talking about?"

"Us! Naruto, I'm talking about us!" She gripped his shoulders, trying to calm herself down. He was close, he was so so close. She could practically feel his breath on her skin. It was bringing back too many memories, too many times when he'd held her, too many times when they'd made love during the war, too many times when they'd clung to each other never wanting to let go.

"Sakura - I - You wanted me? In that way? I thought we were just having sex. I didn't know that you had wanted anything more. If I would have known I would have stayed, I would have stayed forever Sakura. I've wanted you in that way since before I can even remembered."

No, he didn't understand. "Not US - me and you! us - us as in her, us!"

He shook his head, he should have known that it wasn't about him and her. It never was. Just when he'd gotten his hopes up, she shot them right back down again. But the last part, the part she said about a girl, he didn't understand. Did she think that he had slept with someone else? He still looked confused, he gripped her hands. "Sakura, I never slept with anyone else. What are you talking about...her? That's insane. I've only ever wanted you!"

She groaned, "Ugh! No! No! No!" She stood up, and began pacing back and forth. She'd said too much now. She didn't want to tell him but she couldn't take it back. She silently prayed to Kishiro, '_Shiro, does he deserve to know? Does he? Can he handle it?' _She wished he was alive enough to answer her, that maybe he could give her a sign.

She turned and looked at Naruto, who was still on his knees on the ground. It only took six years but here they were. She didn't know how to tell him, she didn't know how to form the words into sentences that he could understand so it wouldn't rip her to shreds like it did him. Naruto had never had family, sure he'd met Kushina and Minato but they weren't living and breathing. They didn't catch him when he fell, or patch up his wounds. And his first chance, his first chance at really having a family, it would be ripped away from him as soon as she said it. It was a burden that she didn't want him to have to carry.

But did he _deserve _to know? That was the real question.

She had been so angry at him. So angry because he had left her when she needed him, but he had left trying to do the right thing and it was only her that she could blame for that. She had unintentionally pushed him away and he left thinking that was what she wanted. And she had hated him for it, hated him for not coming to find her himself.

But he had been Hokage, he couldn't just _leave _and she knew that, somewhere deep down. But every girl wants a guy that is willing to give her the world, every girl wants that romantic fairy tale ending with the prince charming who defies all rules to keep her by his side. She was no different. But she had expected too much, wanted too much.

She kneeled before him, and took his face in her hands, cupping his cheeks. She pressed her forehead to his, trying to calm herself before she said her carefully hidden secret. Naruto's blue eyes met her closed lids. He didn't know what was going on, first they were sitting in his office, then they were throwing punches for a screaming match, then Sakura practically fell apart on his floor, now? Now he didn't even know.

"I -" how could she even say this without tearing his giant, loving heart into pieces, " I was pregnant."

His heart dropped. She was pregnant. She _was _pregnant. What did that even mean? She was pregnant when they had sex, like she'd had sex with someone else? That wasn't possible, they'd been virgins together during the war. Which means...it dawned on him. His eyes widened, his heart stopped. His jaw visibly slackened.

"You... You were pr - pregnant?" She nodded, he was stumbling over his words, tripping over every thought that came into his mind. "It was mine? Right? The baby?" She nodded again, his heart wanted to burst at the seams. A family. A baby that was his. A child. HE WAS A FATHER.

The biggest, dorkiest grin that he had ever, and I do mean ever, crossed his face, did at that moment. He had a family. But Sakura, she didn't look happy. Why didn't she look happy? Did she think that he didn't want it?

At that moment, he thought he'd had it all figured out. Of course she thought that he didn't want it, it all made sense now. She had cried when she looked at him because he was her baby's daddy, but when he left she thought that he was pretty much saying he didn't want a baby. So she left to raise the baby on her own! "Sakura, look at me. Sakura!" He gripped her face, pulling her to look at him. He couldn't keep the smiles away.

"I would never - ever - abandon you and our baby? Do you understand me? I don't care whether it's a he or a she or what! Where is he? We can go get him right now!" He moved to stand, pulling her up with him. She was shaking her head, yelling for him to wait, for him to stop. He almost dragged her out of the office by her hands before she stopped him.

"We can't, Naruto! We can't go see her!"

What? But... but why? Did she not want him to be around his daughter? Did she hold a grudge against him? Or worse, did she give her up for adoption? She wouldn't do that would she? If his daughter looked like a mini version of him, would it have hurt Sakura so much looking at her that she gave their baby away?

He whipped around to face her so quick she thought he might have dislocated something in the process. "What do you mean? Why?" He gripped her shoulders, "Why can't we see her Sakura?" He needed to know, if she was in an orphanage somewhere he'd leave this damn village right now and go find her himself.

"She...She died."

His whole world tumbled into so many pieces he couldn't see right from left.

"Wh-What do you mean? That's impossible! I don't believe you. Sakura, this isn't funny." This wasn't true. No... No...NO! It just...it couldn't be. There was no way! She was lying, she had to be!

She nodded her head, grabbing his hand, trying to keep him listening, trying to keep him focused on her. He needed to hear this but he was trying to shove it all away, she knew because that's what she had tried to do too.

"Do you remember," she started gently, "when I went on that last border patrol? With Sai, Kiba, and Chouji? Do you remember that?" He nodded.

"Sai carried you back on one of his ink birds, you were covered in blood. All he told me was you'd be really hurt and you tried to heal yourself as best as you can. No one would tell me anything. Not even you."

She nodded, "Yes. That's because we knew you'd do something crazy if you knew. I was stabbed through the stomach, Naruto, with a katana. There was nothing I could have done. I didn't even know she existed."

His baby had died. His child. _His. _He had always prided himself on being able to protect everyone that he loved, yet he couldn't even protect the life that he'd almost brought into this world. "But, why didn't you tell me?" A tear fell from his precious blue eyes. He didn't even understand. He wanted to go crawl in a hole. No..No, he wanted his daughter. He wanted a beautiful baby girl that looked just like her mother, with her smile and her laugh, with her 'I don't give a fuck attitude', and his determination and nindo. He wanted his daughter to be alive. He wanted to go back in time and force Kakashi to assign him to the border patrol instead. If she had just been safe in the camp, then his daughter would be alive. Or if he had been on the team with her, he could have protected her. He could have. He WOULD have.

"You weren't ready, Naruto. It would have torn you apart. You would have went crazy on the battlefield and you already had so much on your plate. You didn't need this too."

"Then why didn't you tell me when the war was over! Why didn't you tell me when we came home! I could have helped you, we...we could have carried this together! She was a child that _WE _made! I deserved to know, Sakura! You aren't in this alone! " His tears were flowing freely now. His heart was shattering. The ANBU looked on, silently wishing that they could take their leader's pain away. It seems that war can come back around and bite you in the ass again, even when you least expect it. Those were the horrors of war.

She looked at him deeply, holding his gaze. "I know, I know..." Then next thing he knew, he was crumbling to the ground and bringing her with him. She held him as he cried, she held him tighter than she ever had. His giant arms were wrapped around her, clutching her shirt for dear life as she rocked him back and forth. Her own tears mixing with his sobs.

"... but I wasn't ready, Naruto...I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

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>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: I wasn't lying when I said that this chapter would take off right where chapter two stopped. This chapter almost had me crying as I wrote it. Like, major feels guys. I can't even go back and read it because it's raw and I know if I do then I'll try to change too much. This is the first really...heartfelt chapter that I've written so I hope it really stands out to all of my readers. This is a major turning point for Sakura and Naruto, they've spent years trying to find their way back to each other and this is the first real step.

Next chapter, I plan on bringing in other characters since I know it's the fourth chapter and you have only seen Naruto, Sakura, and Kishiro. Also, if you didn't catch it in the chapter, yes Kishiro died. He played a big part in Sakura's life while she was away and was kind of like her 'team mate' on her bounty hunting missions. It's another burden that she carries, another casualty on her hands. That will come into play much later.

I'd also like to take the time to tell you guys how much I appreciate your reviews! You are all so sweet and I'm so glad that you've taken the time out the review my little ole story. Thank you! :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Title**: Finding My Way, Again

**Summary**: Team 7 missed a vital member for six years, but Naruto never thought he'd say that missing member was Sakura. Six years, and now she's back. Bringing with her the news of a war that supposedly never ended. How can he trust her again? But how can he ignore what she said? And why the hell did she leave in the first place? Rated M for _possible_ violence, language, and sex in later chapters.

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>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

Naruto rubbed the bridge between his nose. "You aren't staying in an inn for another...god who knows how long! That's for dang sure."

"Naruto, I've got the money to. I'd be fine."

"It's too risky. We don't know how long you'll be here. There's no telling, especially when the main reason you're here is because of the rumors you heard. No one needs to know that you're back in the village and the only inns are in the market district - aka, the busiest fucking district in all of Konoha." Kami, why was she being difficult.

"Yeah well I can't stay with you either Naruto, that just wouldn't be right! Besides, my henge jutsu is practically perfect." He had to give her that. With her chakra control, the execution of the henge jutsu had always been easy for her. Being able to keep her chakra at a steady stream as well made the henge even more believeable.

"Look Sakura," he threw open a scroll, "according to the 'offical' hokage documents you are on a deep under cover mission gathering intel and you have been for the past six years so - "

Sakura hissed, "What?"

"Well I wasn't going to let people think you just upped and abandoned us Sakura! Everything you'd worked for would be down the drain. I didn't know when you'd be coming back," he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, "So I improvised. Pretty good though right?" He gave her a foxy grin.

Sakura sneered, He really didn't need to go through all that work. "You're lying on official documents, _Hokage-sama." _

He waved her off, "Please, I wasn't the first and this definitely won't be the last time. Besides, the way I see it, it wasn't a complete lie. You did gather intel, and in some ways I guess you could say you were undercover. As long as no one asks any of the ANBU you injured between now and then." He snickered, at her expense.

Okay, she had to admit, she did feel a little guilty about that but could you blame her? "Alright, alright. Fine. But I'm still not sleeping in your house Naruto."

That did it.

His cerulean blue eyes narrowed a bit in determination, seeming to say '_Oh really now?', _challenging her. He was the damned Hokage and he would use every bit of that to his advantage.

Sakura crossed her arms, crossed her legs, and tried to look as defiant as possible. To him? She looked abso-fucking-lutely adorable. But when had she not?

"A Compromise then?" He suggested innocently, batting his eyelashes at her playfully.

Sakura scoffed, "What can you possibly offer me that would make me want to stay in your house with you Naruto? If it's anything like your old apartment, it's dirty, clothes are probably all over the damn place, any 'edible' food you may have is probably rotten to the core since most of your diet consists of noodles, and I'd rather not know what kind of creepy crawly things are hidden in those nasty dust bunnies." Sakura shivered at the thought.

"Hey! It wasn't _that _bad! And what creepy crawly things? Pfft, I don't know what you're talking about!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, oh yes, there was the Naruto she knew. Anyway, time to get back on topic. "Look Naruto, my henge is fine, I can get a few nights stay at the inn, I've got the money for it. After I talk to Shikamaru, I'll probably be leaving to track down more leads anyway."

Naruto tried to pretend that his heart hadn't practically plummeted to his butt hole when she said that. But he quickly got a mischievous little idea in his head that he just knew absolutely had to work. "Sakura-_chan, _" he pleaded, adding a little bit of an emphasis on the chaaaaan. "I'll buy you some hakuto jelly and mochi?"

Sakura silently cursed everything above. When you're on the road and constantly trying to avoid ANBU, bounty hunters trying to hunt you down, and well...all the other creepy things out there, She didn't have many chances to enjoy any sweets, her mouth was practically drooling at the thought of some sweet green tea mochi. And the man knew how she loved her sweets.

She didn't even understand why he wanted her to stay with him so bad anyways. He'd probably try to pull a very Naruto-like stunt to get her to stay, which she really wanted to avoid at all costs. They had barely started to mend their ever so broken relationship. Barely. But knowing him, he was going to try to weasel his way back in with his porcupine hair, whiskered cheeks, and bright blue eyes. And it would tear him apart again when she went to leave.

"Come oonnn, Sakura-chan. You'll be on a separate floor from me, with your own bathroom!"

He was trying to bait her...It wasn't working.

"It's a king sized bed."

Nope, still not working.

"I'll get you all the umeboshi and mochi that you waaaant!"

Sakura shook her head, nope, it wasn't going to work.

"The bathroom has a jacuzzi tub."

Sakura paused and glared at him, silently cursing him from the corner of her eye, and that was how Naruto knew he had won.

That was how our dear little Sakura had managed to get roped into staying '_temporarily_' with the beloved, ruggedly handsome, and highly persuasive, hokage of the leaf. Although this dear hokage didn't have any plans of it being temporary.

. . . . . . . . . . .  
>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura sighed, leaning back into her lavender bubble bath. This jacuzzi tub was all she had hoped it would be. The room had also been very nice, there were deep mahogany woods throughout the room, a simple clean bedspread made of very nice cotton from Kumo, a king sized bed like he had promised, and a private garden entrance. The garden hadn't been something he had mentioned but it was beautiful all the same, with a training area, a koi pond, and a sweet wooden swing set. It almost felt like paradise and Sakura wanted to drink it in and never stop.

It was peaceful in this house. That wasn't something she took for granted anymore, and it wasn't a luxury she had been provided with as of late.

Sakura clipped her long hair up, pulling it back and out of the bubbles, before becoming lost with her thoughts. _'What am I even doing?' _

She knew why she had come back, she had steeled her resolve that she would leave once she talked to Shikamaru, but the longer she stayed...the harder it was to come to terms with the fact that she would be leaving again.

Okay...so maybe she had acted like a stubborn and hurt child when she had ran away. And she acted like a conceited, selfish prick, when she stayed away. And maybe she felt a little bad about it. Actually, scratch that, if she was being totally honest...she felt super bad about it.

Thanks to Naruto's improvising as he had called it, she would be able to come back without anyone giving her crap about leaving. Well, Ino was sure to give her some whining about how much she needed someone to gossip to but she'd get over that. Naruto had looked out for her even after she left, which made her feel a little guilty.

Sakura laughed bitterly to herself at the irony of it. If he hadn't left her in the first place, and had looked out for her back then, she wouldn't have left in the first place. Though, it was a bit unfair for her to place the blame on him. He hadn't told her to leave, it wasn't like he pushed her or exiled her from the village six years ago. But she'd be damned if that wasn't what it had felt like when he avoided her like the plague.

Sakura's thoughts were heavy for the rest of her bath. A mixture of guilt and anger at herself welled up inside her. The thoughts of how her life could have been right now if she had stayed were torturing her. Even after that, though, she still couldn't make a clear decision on whether she would stay or leave after her talk with the Nara heir. She stayed in the bath until her fingers pruned and the water became chilly.

Well that didn't turn out how she expected; her peaceful relaxing bath had turned into sitting in a tub of water contemplating everything she'd ever done wrong. She exited the bathroom with a heavy heart and a heavy weight upon her shoulders. Feeling even more guilty and lost than before she went in.

Because Sakura knew one thing for sure now, that she hadn't realized before she walked into that bathroom.

And if she was being completely honest, she'd probably tell you that thing,

the only thing that was truly stopping Sakura from making the decision to stay,

that was truly holding her back,

...was her _**pride. **_

. . . . . . . . . . .  
>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura woke up the next morning with her body feeling more well rested than it had in years. Literally, years.

She looked around the room and sighed a bit, realizing that yes...she was indeed in Naruto's house. How long had she been back in Konoha?

About a month?

Though that was probably Naruto's fault. It was obvious Kakashi had rubbed off on the blonde because suddenly, he was an expert at coming up with excuses to delay things. "Oh sorry Sakura, I had to reschedule your psyche eval." "Oh that was today! The council scheduled a really important meeting that I've just _got _to be at." "This sweet little old lady asked if I could come bless her grandsons today! Gotta give the people want they want, ne?"

Oh yes, she saw through his clever little ruse. She knew what he was doing. He was purposely trying to extend her stay, trying to keep her from leaving. Sakura covered her head with her blankets exasperated. She hadn't been planning on staying.

'Yeah, well, you didn't plan on a lot of other things too.'

Sakura weekly growled at the voice in the back of her mind. But the words were true, nonetheless. But Sakura quickly snapped out of it, 'No more depressing thoughts!' she decided.

Pushing the covers off her body, she quickly ran to jump in the shower. Emerald eyes darted to the clock on the wall. 7:34 a.m. it read.

Naruto was normally in his office from seven in the morning to seven at night, at least that was what she had gathered from the past few weeks or so. So he wouldn't miss her if she...ya know...casually slipped outside the house and decided to go do some things that she had long put off. She'd be back before he was home, she was sure.

She jumped in the shower, throughly washing, rinsing, and then drying herself off before grabbing some clothes and walking out of the house. A fleeting thought passed her mind as she shut the door, 'Hmm, Naruto's house in spectacularly clean for someone so untidy."

Sakura quickly became lost in her thoughts as she made her way from the Hokage's manor to the market district. (Of course, she was under a henge.) The manor was a bit of a ways out from the hustle and bustle of the city. It was hidden behind tall, thousand year old oaks, heavily guarded by ANBU at all time, and surrounded by a large wall (though hidden) whose only entrance was a large set of steel gates. The gates, as Sakura had noticed some time ago, contained the Namikaze symbol. She could only assume this had been his father's home.

She also assumed the wall had a barrier attached to it, for added protection. Though she didn't want to be the one to test it. After all, the only ones who were supposed to go in and out of the Hokage's residence were the Hokage himself, his personal ANBU, and those escorted by the hokage himself. The seal on the gate, however, allowed him to alter it to accept specific chakra signatures that could come and go as they pleased.

Sakura's feet stopped in her tracks when she realized she had reached her destination, and it was called "Yamanaka's Flowers". She steeled herself, mentally reminding herself that she didn't look like Sakura and no one would be able to see through her henge. But she still felt anxious and nervous.

Sakura pushed open the door that caused a small bell to ring.

"Welcome to Yamanaka Flowers! I'll be with you in a second." called a voice from the back that Sakura easily recognized. One that she could never forget. Sakura wanted to cry when Ino walked out from behind the back room's curtains. But she stopped herself, no use in crying when Ino wouldn't even realize who she was.

So she willed the tears to recede.

"H-hi" her voice cracked, (Damn you!), "I'd like to request a bouquet of flowers."

Ino smiled, "Well, honey, who are they for? I can certainly help you out with that. A lover, perhaps?" Ino wiggled her eyebrows.

Well, if anything in the village had to stay the same, then Sakura should have know it would have been Ino. Sakura laughed, "No, no. It's for an...old friend."

Ino's mouth shut quite quickly before nodding certainly, "I understand, Ms.?"

"Itomi, Nekati Itomi."

"Ahh, Ms. Nekati-san." Ino moved to the flower case behind her, greedily handing pulling out flowers. Asking, but not prodding, for very basic questions about what the person they were for.

"She was my biggest role model, and the best shishou. She was like a mother to me and she sadly passed away during the war."

Ino stopped at her words, frozen. Her words reminded her of someone, someone that she hadn't seen in years. But Ino shook the thoughts from her mind, she knew Sakura was doing very important work for the village. Though, she had silently promised to give her the biggest ass kicking when she finally came home.

Ino turned and gave 'Itomi' a smile, and a nod of understanding. "We'll start with yellow zinnia's, for daily remembrance."

Ino moved to another case of flowers, "From there, we will add Amethyst for admiration and Orchid for Beauty... And - And pink roses for gratitude." Ino assembled the flowers beautifully. If there was anyone who could send the perfect message with flowers, it was her.

Sakura thanked her, paid for the flowers, and said goodbye to Ino before continuing to her next destination.

. . . . . . . . . . .  
>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

The graveyard was much larger than she remembered, though that was what happened during wars. It took her a bit to navigate through the many tombstones to make it to the back. The back was where the graves of the Hokages stood.

It had taken her six years to come here. She hadn't been ready for her burial, it made it too real. In fact, she hadn't been ready for a lot of things. There had been plenty of times where Sakura snuck into Konoha, and came to the graveyard and just sat at the entrance but that was as far as she had been able to go. She hadn't been able to walk through the yard, to get close to her grave. It was like...if she didn't go in the graveyard then maybe...maybe she could just pretend that she was out drinking again. Or maybe she went on an extended vacation.

But she had been fooling herself. She had been lying to herself all these years, keeping herself from mourning. And now all that was left was an unmeasurable amount of guilt. Guilt and Regret. Guilt because she should have been there, she should have came to the memorial service. Regret that she hadn't been able to save her, regret that she hadn't made it there in time.

Sakura felt a lone tear escape her eye as she made it closer to the headstone that had taken her so long to be ready to see. A headstone that was so much more than a slab of concrete with a name on it.

She was in front of the headstone now, still too far away to see the name on it but she didn't need to...to know that it was the one she was seeking. (Maybe it was the unshed tears in her eyes that blurred her vision, but she'd probably never admit to that).

Her heart was beating slowly, ever so slowly. But she could hear it in her ears, the blood pumping through her body.

Sakura fell to her knees. The flowers sitting next to her on the ground. She lifted delicate fingers to the name on the stone, tracing it with her finger tips.

"I - " her voice cracked but she didn't seem to care, "I'm sorry it took me so long."

A tear fell.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you in time, on the battle field. You trained me so hard, so so hard, so that way I could protect my precious people." _And I couldn't even protect you. _

Two tears fell.

The ground beneath her was starting to darken with tears.

"I'm so sorry..." And the dam broke. The one that was trying to keep the tears back and the emotions at bay.

"I'm so sorry that I - Kami Tusnade-shishou I'm so fucking sorry. For everything. I'm so fucking sorry for hurting everyone. I'm so sorry for leaving when my friends needed me. I was so blinded by my own pain that I forgot about everyone else's. I wasn't the only one who lost someone, I wasn't the only one who failed to protect someone precious to them. Kami...I'm so fucking selfish...so fucking selfish. You would be so disappointed in me." She bitterly laughed and sniffled.

Tears were flowing freely. Her heart was cracking. She was sweating and crying and her body was starting to shake with all of her emotions.

"I fucked up everything Tsunade-shishou. I should...I should have stayed. I should have tried harder, for TenTen, Yamato...for Hinata and Gai...and Lee. " She leaned against the tombstone, with her back pressed to the cold concrete. Tear stains could be seen on her cheeks. "I should have tried so much hard for Naruto. So much harder for him. I should - I shouldnt have left. He deserves so much better than me Tsunade-shishou. I can't do this to him again." She wrapped her arms around her body. She was trying to stay strong but she failing and failing hard.

She'd kept everything bottled in for years. She had never mourned. She had never mourned for the daughter that she had lost, the teacher that had left her, the friend that died without an ally by her side, the friendships that she had lost when she left. She had kept everything bottled inside.

Every single person that she hadn't managed to save.  
>Every life that had been lost on her operating table.<br>Every husband that didn't make it home.  
>Every best friend that didn't come back to camp.<p>

Every piece of anger that she felt toward herself, for not being enough. For letting her feelings get in the way the one fucking time that it mattered. She had become almost as bad as Sasuke, leaving without a word.

And all of a sudden she was angry, so so fucking angry. But at herself.

She hit the ground, pounding. One, twice. And then it kept coming.

She pounded until it hurt, she punched the ground until her fists were raw. But she kept going and going. The rage, the pain, the hurt, every time that she had turned Naruto down and seen the rejection flash in his eyes, every feeling of betrayal, every laugh that she hadn't been able to share. She pounded at the ground. Sobs were racking her small body. She was having trouble breathing and her head was getting dizzy.

Her fists were bleeding now as she slowed down, her punches and assault on the ground becoming weaker and weaker.

She rolled onto the ground, her face in her hands as she cried. As she cried next to her shishou's grave, mourning the one person that had understood every single piece of her. Who understood what it was like to want to strive to become better, to be better, to be 'good enough' just to be seen in the spotlight next to your team mates. She mourned her teacher, her confidant, her friend, the woman who taught her how to hold her liquor and throw a punch like a man, who taught her to never give up, her idol, and a woman that she considered a mother.

Sakura curled up next to the tombstone, crying herself into a deep sleep, not caring that any henge she had would fall as soon as her concentration did, not caring if anyone saw her.

She never even noticed the set of blue eyes watching her, wishing he could comfort her, seeing her raw unbridled pain and guilt made his heart ache. He had never seen her so broken, so angry at herself. He just wanted to make it better, wanted to make it go away. But even he could see it would take more then a few 'good days' with him to fix her heart and to ease her pain.

Naruto walked over to the sleeping girl that had held his heart since the day she picked a flower for him when they were five. He carefully picked her up bridal saddle, before whisking her away in a mass of leaves.

He laid her down in the bed of the bedroom that she had claimed, taking off her shoes. Naruto grabbed a rag and put hot water on it and set to work cleaning her hands. He grimaced at the damage she had done, even without chakra. As he cleaned each finger, he kissed it.

With each kiss, he promised himself that he would make her pain go away even if he had to spend his entire life doing so.

"Its the promise of a lifetime, Sakura-chan. Believe it."

. . . . . . . . . . .  
>x<br>. . . . . . . . . . .

**A/N:** IT'S DONE! UGH! FINALLY! This chapter was super hard to write, but I'm glad it's finally done. It was hard to get Sakura across at the graveyard but we did it! I know a few have you have been asking about Tsunade, and I did mention that we'd see a few characters introduced in this chapter. But I only had the chance to introduce Ino into the story so far though, I had planned on a few more but they didn't managed to make it into this chapter because I just couldn't get the flow right.

_I'd like to thank you all so much for reviewing my past four chapters, _15 reviews already? I'm so freaking stoked! I'm not writing this for reviews but I definitely appreciate every single one of them. Makes me want to hug you all! (It also makes me want to update sooner, keeps me motivated!)

Also, I know the last chapter ended on a pretty sad note and this one did too. But it's just a struggle in their lives right now. They're trying hard to keep it together but for Sakura, it's hard to be here with memories of all of those she lost and couldn't save. Especially after she'd spent years and years training to save lives. She's being really hard on herself. But she's healing, ever so slowly. We can only hope that she makes the right decision when the push comes to shove! And Naruto's just kind of lost on how to help her. She's got to find her way back again, which is pretty much what the story is about.

Within the next chapter or two, we should have the 'Shikamaru Talk' in here somewhere and then after that...Will she stay or go? What do you guys think?! I mean obviously, we all want her to stay and live happily ever after tho. :P

As for Naruto being a bit ooc - well, you see, Naruto's having to adjust to all of this too ya know? He's so stupidly in love with Sakura and he's spent the last six years wishing he could go himself to find her and bring her back but instead he's being stuck to a desk all day and having to order ANBU to do it for him. He's not holding a grudge, honestly. If she had left, he hadn't even tried to get her back, and then got pissed at her then that would be a grudge. But for him this is a very real present thing that she's done and has been constantly doing for six years, so yeah, he's gonna be a bit upset. But, he's naruto, and he's already getting over it! He could never stay upset at Sakura for long, especially after what he just witnessed as Tsunade's grave. I hope this chapter gave you a little more of a 'Naruto' feel to it. He'll get his spunkiness back. ;D

(I'd also like to point out that I, loving you guys so much, made this chapter twice as long as chapter one!) Until next time!


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